I've made up my mind...

2007-05-15T17:32:00.000-07:00

My sister is pregnant again! I'm excited for her and I hope that she doesn't have any complications this time. I'm also excited because I get to see her in three weeks. She's graduating so the whole family will be in Washington. Should be fun. I only have about a week of summer school left. I can't wait to be done. Eddie graduates on the 26th. Finally he can come home for good. I'm happy.

Happy

2007-05-03T13:37:00.000-07:00

Took my last final this afternoon. I feel liberated. Summer school class starts Monday, but it is a philosophy class with Blackburn and I love that guy. His classes make me think. Thinking is good. I work a lot this weekend, but it pays for gas which is almost $4.00 a gallon. Ridiculous. Also ridiculous is the fact that I haven't blogged since March. I'll have to do it more.

It's Official

2007-03-08T14:19:00.000-08:00

So I decided that I'm changing my major to Interdisciplinary English and Psychology. I'll still graduate at the same time, which is amazing and then I just have grad school after that, but I think I'm at a point in my life where I can handle it. It was a good decision to make too, because I felt so tired with English and I have always loved Psychology much much more and lets face it, I really don't like high school students all that much. Kids I love. So I want to be a School Psychologist and I can't wait til next semester when I have my psych classes. And you know what else I can't wait for? Spring Break which starts tomorrow and I am soooo happy about it. I need a rest. AND my 21st birthday is on the 25th of this month. So excited. Life is peachy.

Oh the joys of Cat Stevens...

2007-03-01T19:23:00.000-08:00

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

Chorus:You can do what you want
The opportunitys on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it und
oYou see ah ah ah
Its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
cause theres a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
cause theres a million things to do
You know that there are

Chorus

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
cause theres a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are

Ode to my LUH-VAH....

2007-02-03T17:03:00.000-08:00

So I miss my beautiful bestest and this is my ode in pictures to her....

Cutest Couple Award!

She looks sad because she misses me

Fun day at the beach!

And I saved the best for last!

I love you Riss!

People are mean to me this week...

2007-01-26T10:25:00.000-08:00

Ok so this time I had a woman accuse me of lying after being horribly embarrassed. I'll explain the story. So I was super excited to wash my truck in a car wash because I rarely go to them and it's kinda fun so my friend Samantha was with me and we pull in line and we are waiting. All the while I'm really excited (this might be my problem in the first place, perhaps I should just be un happy so that I don't get so disappointed) and after waiting about 5 minutes it is finally my turn. So I get up there and I try to put money in the machine and it won't take my money. I have the most crisp $5 bill and it refuses to take it. So Samantha tells me to try putting a dollar of quarters in it first. So I put a quarter in and it blares out super loud, "COIN ACCEPTED" Great now everyone in the whole vicinity knows that I'm putting coins in this stupid machine and it says that for every single quarter. So I get a dollar in it and I try the $5 bill again and it still won't take it so I try a $1 and it won't take that either. So Samantha says just get your change back and we'll go pay up front. So I try to get the change and it won't give it back to me so now I'm all flustered and the people behind me are wondering what is taking so long and so I just pull out all the quarters I can find and I put them in until it gets to $5 and all the while its blaring "COIN ACCEPTED". Ok so all is well besides me being horribly embarrassed. It takes the coins, I'm moving into the machine and I go too far so it says back up. So I am backing up and it keeps telling me to back up like I can't just back up to where I was supposed to be its just broken. So by this time the people behind me are out of their cars and they go the machine and call for help. So the lady at the gas station comes over and she tells me I have to pull around and explains that once you go too far you can't back up. Well then why does the stupid machine have a back up sign?!?! Ok so the embarrassment doesn't end there. You would hope that it does, but it does not. Gas station lady tells me she'll give me a voucher. So that explains why everyone else was so fast, they weren't trying to pay in cash, let alone quarters. So I'm waiting for my voucher and she's taking awhile so I walk over to her cash register and she's like this says that you didn't pay. I'm about to laugh out loud at that statement because I payed in the most embarrassing way and so I tell her, "well I paid and I had to do it in quarters because your machine wouldn't take my cash" and she looks at me like I'm crazy and says "you paid $5 in quarters?" and I'm like "yes because it wouldn't take my cash" she still doesn't believe me and says, "you really had $5 in quarters? That's like two rolls of quarters"
umm exaggeration statement of the year award. "Yes".
gas station lady: "That's twenty quarters"
me: "yeah $5"
GSL: "You had twenty quarters?"
Me:"Yes"
GSL disgusted voice: "Well if you really had that many quarters you shouldn't have put them in the machine you should have just paid here first, but here's a voucher"
Me ready to cry: " Ok, Thanks"

Moral of the story:
1. Don't EVER pay in quarters even if the machine accepts them because you will be ridiculed for it and no one will believe that you did it.
2. Don't go to car washes where they have a "BACK UP" sign because it's pointless.
3. Shell gas station lady in Rancho San Diego is mean.

Work...

2007-01-21T20:43:00.000-08:00

I worked today. 10 hours straight. My whole body aches in places that have never ached before. Boo on working.

Preggers News...

2007-01-18T23:01:00.000-08:00

So my sister is pregnant and I am so super excited that I just want to go fly to her and squeeze her. She's about 5 weeks along and she and the baby are ok, but she's been having cramps for about 3 weeks now so prayer is much appreciated. My whole family is already just in love with this baby that God is forming and to hear her talk about it is so stinkin cute. She told me the other day, "I just love my baby. I know it's like the size of a peanut, but I love my peanut baby."

In other news, school is in full swing and it's alright so far. Ethics class makes me feel crazy and out of whack because our teacher drills us with questions that none of us can answer to his satisfaction. The first day he asked us to define what is good. So lots of conversations like that every time that class meets. It keeps my brain working. I also sit next to a kid with blue hair that people call Sweezy like Sneezy with a "w". I just like to refer to him as blue hair guy. He's very nice and his voice reminds me of Tim Gunn on project runway except a little less homo.

ummm....yes and I miss Marisa. I think a lot of things in my life changed when she left and one of them being that I stopped drinking Chai Tea. It's like its a sacred bestest thing and I don't blog. So yes Marisa I miss you and I miss the summer with Capernwrayers. Specifically Janice and Courtnay. You two are the sweetest girls ever.

I love you guys.

Ben's Wedding!!!

2006-12-13T14:05:00.000-08:00

Woo Hoo! Ben and Sonya are officially married! Super exciting. The wedding was this last Saturday up in Washington so here are some pictures from it. Enjoy!

The beautiful bride and her flower girl.

This one is kinda blurry, but going from left to right it is Natalie, Me, Sonya, my sister Cassie, and Sonya's sister in law Shannon.

Mr. and Mrs. Howard!

Our new family!

Yes I'm the loner without a husband...one day..one day...

I have a Tundra!!!!

2006-09-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

This is what my truck looks like except in white. But otherwise it is exactly the same. And it only had 29,000 miles on it when we bought it so it's like brand new. I love it.

I had a revelation today...

2006-08-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

School has officially started.

My Devotion Today...

2006-08-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

"The Lord alone led him"-Deuteronomy 32:12

Alone

The hill was steep, but cheered along the way
By conversation sweet, climbing with the thought
That it might be so till the height was reached;
But suddenly a narrow winding path
Appeared, and then the Master said, "My child,
Here you will walk safest with Me alone."

I trembled, yet my heart's deep trust relied,
"So be it, Lord." He took my feeble hand
In His, accepting thus my will to yield Him
All, and to find all in Him.
One long, dark moment,
And no friend I saw, save Jesus only.

But oh! so tenderly He led me on
And up, and spoke to me such words of cheer,
Such secret whisperings of His wondrous love,
That soon I told Him all my grief and fear,
And leaned on His strong arm confidingly.

And then I found my footsteps quickened,
And light unspeakable, the rugged way
Illumined, such light as only can be seen
In close companionship with God.

A little while, and we will meet again
The loved and lost; but in the rapturous joy
Of greetings, such as here we cannot know,
And happy song, and heavenly embraces,
And tender recollections rushing back
Of life now passed, I think one memory
More dear and sacred than the rest, will rise,
And we who gather in the golden streets,
Will oft be stirred to speak with grateful love
Of that dark day Jesus called us to climb
Some narrow steep, leaning on Him alone.

Crazy Day...

2006-08-15T10:14:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was quite a crazy day. Marisa and Jon took off to Iceland and Marisa and I cried saying goodbye...not so crazy, but emotional for sure. I then went and bought textbooks for school, yet again, not crazy but emotional...feelings of please why does school have to start so soon? Then I go to my grandparent's house which is where the crazy happened. I've been taking care of their house since Friday and on Sunday I went there twice. Once was in the morning and I did my devotions in the kitchen playing my praise music super loud and loving every moment of it. The only strange occurance was that when I got up to go to the bathroom, I thought I heard whispering voices. Weird. So I peeked down the hall in the direction that the voices came from, didn't see anything and figured I'm just crazy and continued to go back to my devos. I left about an hour later and came back a second time later that day to feed the dog and such. Fast forward to Monday, yesterday, I go to my grandma's house...the front door is not locked, the cat is inside the house, the alarm is still set, a side door is not locked, pictures are knocked over, my grandparents' bedroom window is broken, and the attic access door is on the floor broken. However, nothing appears to be missing. CRAZY. I call my dad, he says get out of the house someone could still be inside. So my dad, the homocide detective, his two detective friends and my police officer brother come and check out the house and they are puzzled as well because they can't figure out a point of entry or exit because of the alarm. So, eventually, 3 hours later, the Sheriff comes and they check it out and decide yes someone was in the house (CREEEPY!) but that someone must have known the alarm system. So, moral of the story. If you hear voices in a house, don't just think you're crazy, there could be creepy people inside with you! On the bright side, if they were in the house with me, they listened to some good Christian music for a good while and me singing along at the top of my lungs. :)

The Utterances of Daveo that Make my Life Joyful...

2006-08-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

1. In reference to the title of this post..."They aren't utterances, they are statements of fact"
2. In reference to the fact that I have a belly button and he does not:
"Whatever, at least my belly button isn't so deep that is leads to Narnia. Someone could stick their finger in your belly button and go so far that they feel fur coats and end up in another world"
3. My all time favorite, while I am driving in the car he randomly blurts out:
"You know Shawna, if you're lucky you'll end up with a guy like me. But you have to pray really hard and read your Bible all the time and then maybe God will bless you"

Hey Everybody........

2006-08-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

I Love Daveo.
Just to let you know he's an amazing person, and you should all be jealous that you're not him. Cos he's great. And the coolest.

Change of life...AND Ode to Capernwray...

2006-08-07T10:05:00.000-07:00

So the title change of my blog is basically my life as it is right now. Relient K's song "Getting into You" is amazing and thank you Mr. and Mrs. Jon Magnus Kjartansson for putting that song on your wedding CD.
I can feel God drawing me nearer to Him and it's so incredible and at the same time it's a vulnerable and scary time in my life for me. However, I know now to have faith that He will guide me in the right direction and that through that, it will be better that I could ever imagine. I definitely need prayer for wisdom and strength, but this week I met the most incredible people and I know that you are already praying. Thank you so much for that.

My Ode to Capernwray...

To Jeffy I miss you and I can't find your name on Skype so you'll just have to find me. I am determined to find a way to get to you and go to that rodeo. AND when I do you have to teach me more about the Jive. Janice Muffin, I love you love love love you and I miss your little voice and hugs. Courtnay, you are so sweet and I'm labeling you an insta-friend. I'll give you a commercial for it..."Courtnay the Insta-Friend, have her in your presence for just 5 quick minutes and she's the best friend ever!" I love that I'm posting/talking to you guys right now. Wow, I must really miss you. Bejito-ito I know you are praying for me and I thank you very much for that. You truly are tubular, super AND neat. Daveo, you're still in my house....leave! just kidding!!!! I love you little man and I'm gonna miss you too. Your Mr. T man voice is the best ever. We are going to have fun doing those 101 things today. " #100 shop in any general place" Danny, you are awesome, just plain awesome. I will forever remember your debonaire DJ look. Ben, I wish I would have had more time to get to know you, but the time I had was great fun. Heidi, you wake up faster than anyone I have ever seen! And you are quite possibly the cutest person ever with your flat ironed bobby pinned hair. Dana, my little one you are lovely, but Go Back to ARIZONA!!!. Brittany, I LOVE your hair and will come to Seattle to play with it anytime oh and you mastered that Carmen Electra hip hop like a pro. Elin and Chelsea, you two are beautiful and incredibly sweet. Jimmy and Justin you two are really fun, I wish that you could have stayed longer. I espescially liked our game of Curses, even though I stunk at the witch voice. Luke, thank you for opening my mind to your musical tastes and for making my couch into a leather bed for a god. Remember if you want to be successful beauty rebel you must use SPF religiously. Oh yes and you are so sexy especially with your scotch last night. I think that is everyone, it's been a whirlwind of fun and I love you all.

Scooba Steve Sighting!!!!!

2006-07-15T13:40:00.000-07:00

My cat, Scooba Steve, he's been missing for quite a few months now and today we spotted him. He's rather wild looking and runs away from us, but at least he's still alive.

Life is Crazy

2006-07-15T10:57:00.000-07:00

Well, so I haven't posted in too long and basically life has decided to become a mad whirlwind on me. My brother just got married, which was super exciting and he had his birthday on the 3rd, then came the 4th of July, then my summer school started on the 5th, Travis graduated from the Police Academy yesterday, and today is my grandma's 80th birthday party. And in the meantime I work on various days and wish life would slow down. But, I am also super excited for Riss' wedding which I am plan plan planning away! So, when life slows down I'll write again, but until then, pray for my sanity. love you all...

I'm gonna have a new sister!!!

2006-05-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

My brother Ben got engaged a couple weeks ago and his fiancee Sonya just made a website for them so here is some pictures of the happy couple and Sonya's captions that she had with the pictures:

"Our lips were made for kissing eachother"

"I'm and adult male model"

"Hair or no hair-together forever"

"I think; therefore I am-pondering life at Lake Constance"

My thoughts...

2006-05-08T11:49:00.000-07:00

"Bible knowledge will either change you or harden you"

That is what my professor said today in Theology and I thought it was a great point. He was talking about how when it comes to Scriptures, to know something is to do it. For instance, if you say that you know that prayer is important, you will pray. You won't just be lazy about doing it, but you will do it fervently because you actually believe in your heart not just in your head that it is an important thing to do. And he made the point that we can only live out what we know. Your lifestyle as a Christian and the things that you believe about God are what shape your choices and make you live life the way that you do.

He made the point that most Christians know a lot. Most of the time when Christians sin it is not something that they didn't know was wrong. They knew it was wrong and they did it. Sometimes maybe they didn't know it was a wrong thing, but the majority of the time they knew it to be wrong. And that knowledge is what we are held accountable for. And if you do not act on that knowledge if you let it just stay in your head and not make its way to your heart you will become hardened. It was a weird to think that Bible knowledge could be dangerous, but in fact it is. Because while you can know tons and tons of information on what you should be doing with your life, if you never ever apply that knowledge to your life, you will become hardened to it.

I just really was convicted by that because I think that I know quite a lot from being in a Christian atmosphere for my whole life, but I also know that I have been hardened to a lot of the information because I didn't apply it and that will hurt me because I will be held accountable. Just thought I'd share that cuz I thought it was cool. Hopefully you thought it was too.

Yay for the weekend!!!

2006-05-05T10:46:00.000-07:00

I'm going to see these tomorrow at the Wild Animal Park with Riss! YAY!!! Happy Early Birthday Sharon!!!

I'm done with FINALS!!!!

2006-05-04T14:44:00.000-07:00

Oh I could just go pee my pants ten times I'm so excited!!!

WOW...read this...

2006-05-03T22:56:00.000-07:00

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary, Sunday, 12/18/05:

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife. Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away. I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat. Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where
Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to. In light of the many jokes
we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's
not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the Great God that He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school . The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK. Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide).We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK. Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a greatdeal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Construction...

2006-05-01T20:13:00.000-07:00

I never showed any pictures of the construction that is being done on my house so I decided to post some. So, my parents are adding on a master bedroom and bathroom and a garage to one end of our house and so here are some of the pictures of that process... so far all that has happened is that the land has been cleared and dirt is being moved...

This is looking down from our deck to the part they are clearing...

This is from the part they are clearing up to the deck...

And this is the infamous mountain of dirt....

i LOVE this song....

2006-04-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

A refuge for the poor, a shelter from the storm

This is our God

He will wipe away your tears and return your wasted years

This is our God

So call upon His name

He is mighty to save

This is our God

A father to the orphan, a healer to the broken

This is our God

And he brings peace to our madness and comfort in our sadness

This is our God

So call upon His name

He is mighty to save

This is our God

This is the one we have waited for...
This is the one we have waited for...
This is the one we have waited for...

Jesus Lord and Savior

AHHH it's just so amazing. HE is the one we have waited for.
When we are so broken and sad and wanting to be filled, He is the one that fills.
When we are struggling with the trials of life,
He is the one who helps us through.
When we want that peace that passes all understanding, HE is the one who gives it abundantly and restores us to our fullest potential to reach the world.
Jars of Clay sings a song like this one that says:

We hope and wait, for the glorious day
All tears will vanish, wiped away
On the saints this day already shines, it already shines

And we'll be singing Halleluia
We'll be singing Halleluia
At the top of our lungs
Halleulia to your glory Halleluia

And I know that it's coming
But I can't see it now
And I'm touched in a moment
But I can't hold it yet
And it glows in the darkness
And it calls us away
To our true destination
To that glorious day

AHHH, it just pumps me up so much. God is so amazing and I'm so excited to spend eternity in heaven with Him. It also pumps me up to share the gospel too. The gospel is the greatest message that you can ever give someone and so many times I neglect to tell others about it because I forget how important it is, but yesterday in church I was reminded of how awesome it is that Jesus died and rose again. So many people need HIM and I need to see that. My prayer is that God softens my heart to those who do not know Him and that I would fight against the complacency that Satan tries to place in my heart.

Sooo....

2006-04-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

I feel not as depressed today. Which is good...I ended up just taking a hot bath and listening to Chris Tomlin/talking to God about how I was sad that day. He and I had a pretty good conversation. I might just do it again today because it was so nice. Anyways all is well today except...I just have this massive headache which has handicapped my thoughts and therefore has thoroughly ended my completion of homework. It does pose a bit of a dilemma. I am already behind in my reading. So, perhaps I will have to wake up early tomorrow and read. Which is the last thing I want to do, but such is life sometimes. Hmmm..I made guacamole today and it was fantastic and I made myself a Greek chicken salad...mmm. I think that perhaps my headache has come from a caffeine withdrawal. I had caffeine yesterday in my tea for the first time in forever so perhaps my body is just now coming off that high. I don't know why I'm rambling....

Depression...

2006-04-10T09:11:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling utterly not happy today and I don't really know what to do about it. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to take a shower, I want to just sit outside in the sunshine and think about why I feel this way. It could be lack of Marisa time, it could be hormones, it could be both...or it could be something that I haven't figured out yet. I tried praying and I don't feel all that better so I'm at a loss as to what I can do to make me happy. Perhaps I'm just meant to be sad today. If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it and I will just hopefully get over this soon...

My brother is modeling...

2006-04-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

HA how funny is that?! My brother Ben used to be conservative about his crazy, muscle infused body. However, his friend asked him to model for some type of sports clothing magazine. He was modeled in a bathing suit underwater with two kids. That's just hilarious to me. Anyways, just so you get a picture how buff he really is I will post pictures...

I entitle this one the "Crazy Muscles" picture....As you can see...he's the more Indian skinned one in the family. I got the white white skin...

I call this one his "Don't mess with me" picture

Anyways...there's more but you get the picture

Registration Time!

2006-04-04T16:22:00.000-07:00

Ohhh how my head is filled with units, classes, frustration and aching. So basically I'm going to be taking three classes over the summer. That just stinks. And I'm taking 5 classes in Fall of 06 and 6 classes in Spring of 07. Will I die of exhaustion? Perhaps. Will I graduate on time? I sure hope so! Since it seems poetry is the writing style lately and since Jon told me to share more poetry I will write a poem......

Ode to Iceland

You are cold
You are green
You are known for Vikings
You are snowy
You are white
You can see the northern lights
Your flag is white
Your flag is blue
Your flag is red, with a cross on it too
You have sheep
You have whales
You have ponies with funny tails
You have the Blue Lagoon
You'll have Marisa soon
And then I really won't like you
I might even try to fight you
For she is my bestest of bestest
Who's better than all the restest!

The End

Ode to My Bestest of Bestest....

2006-03-29T09:02:00.000-08:00

I miss you in the morning
I miss you in the evening
I miss you and I’m sad

The tears they fall
Because there’s been no call

Oh when will I see my bestest of bestest?
Oh when will I know my sad days are gone?

Too many days its been
Since I’ve seen you my friend

I just might cry
Or fall down and die

Cuz my poor little heart
It misses you and it starts

To beat slow and sad
And that’s very bad

In anticipation I wait
For our Thursday date

I’ll see you again
Oh how long it has been

And I’ll jump with glee
I’ll be so happy

When I see my bestest
Who’s better than all the restest!

THE END

Heart Update...

2006-03-28T17:20:00.000-08:00

Went and saw the electrophysiologist...He acts like he thinks I have anxiety. My tests are normal. I don't have anxiety. I'm somewhat frustrated and discouraged. However, I am going to just pray that if there is something wrong that they'll find it and if nothing is wrong that I'll stop having these symptoms. I think this is test of my faith and I just need to keep trusting God that everything will work out. He knows what is going on and He knows what the doctors and I don't know so I just need to remember that. Thank you to everyone who have been praying. I really appreciate it and I definitely need it. It's the only way I've stayed sane this whole time. So, anyways that's my heart update and a me update and I hope everyone has a great day.

Exhaustion...

2006-03-18T10:00:00.000-08:00

The next time that anyone tells me to go to the ER for my heart (Anyone being anyone not a doctor i.e. my mom) I am going to chain myself to my room and say NO, for GOODNESS SAKES NO. I went to the ER at 10:00 p.m. last night and while they took me in right away to do an EKG, after seeing I seemed to be ok and not in a dire emergency(my thoughts EXACTLY) I proceeded to wait until about 1:00 in the morning until a doctor came to who told me ...summarized by me: YOU ARE FINE. I nodded my disheveled head, blinked my bright red bloodshot eyes and dreamed about my bed at home. So as Eddie and my mom both say, Don't you feel better now? I respond, "No, I didn't think that there was anything that was in need of emergency care wrong with me. To which they replied, "Oh....well we feel better". So, we all go to the car, I'm now a zombie half asleep and upon climbing in the car Eddie immediately becomes a pillow/blanket/bed for me. He was the one who kept me sane in the ER this whole time. Thank God I'm blessed with him. So we get home at 2:00 A.M. and I'm thinking of nothing other than my bed and sleep. Alas, my sleep in my bed was not as dreamy as I thought it would be. Back in the ER they put five stickers on me to record my heart, add that to my two from my own monitor and you now have SEVEN stickys on me that will rip my skin off if I take them off. So...I sleep with them on. ALL SEVEN of THEM. And let me tell you, it was lame. Everytime I moved it felt like my skin was being pulled off in that direction and so this one in particular that was bothering me I decided to rip off and when I did my skin came with it and so now at this moment at 10:13 in the morning I have six stickys on me waiting to come off and I refuse to pull of that much skin. So...needless to say I am exhausted as my title says and I hate officially hate the ER. To top it all off. I started my period yesterday. EXHASTION TIMES TEN.

TV Show Depression...

2006-03-16T22:04:00.000-08:00

I watched the OC tonight and it made me so depressed by the end of it that I wanted to cry. Now, granted I have PMS times ten and I cry at the drop of a hat, still, I just feel depressed now and it sucks. LAME

WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?

2006-03-07T09:49:00.000-08:00

I asked myself that question yesterday and the answer sickened me. If you ever want to see how disgustingly worldly you are, just answer that question. Granted not all the answers are worldly, but the vast majority for me were just that.

This came about when I was reading C. S. Lewis' Screwtape Letters...and it came to me when he said:
Screwtape is talking about Wormwood's Christian that he is attacking:

"A few weeks ago you had to tempt him to unreality and inattention to his prayers: but now you will find him opening his arms to your and almost begging you to distract his purpose and benumb his heart."

"As this condition becomes more fully established you will be gradually freed from the tiresome business of providing Pleasures as tempations. As the uneasiness and his reluctance to face it cut him off more and more from all real happiness, and as habit renders the pleasures of vanity and excitement and flippancy at once less pleasant and harder to forgo you will find that anything or nothing is sufficient to attract his wandering attention. You no longer need a good book, which he really likes, to keep him from his prayers or his work or his sleep; a column of advertisements in yesterday's paper will do. You can make him waste his time not only in conversation he enjoys with people he likes, but in conversations with those he cares nothing about on subjects that bore him. You can make him do nothing at all for long periods. You can keep him up late at night, not roistering, but staring at a dead fire in a cold room. All the healthy and out-going activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and nothing given in return, so that at least he may say, as one of my own patients said on his arrival down here, 'I now see that I spent most of my life in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked'."

WOW. STAB ME IN THE HEART. BREAK ME BEFORE GOD...

He then says:
"You will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. But do remember, the only thing that matters is the extent to which you seperate the man from the Enemy (God). It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into Nothing. Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one--the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, whithout milestones, without signposts."

WOW. WOW. WOW. The devil is soooooo subtle and I am sooooo stupid and I fall into this trap almost every day. I waste my time that is not mine. I don't own time it's God's time and I waste it doing things that don't matter and never will matter. I waste it on the things that are not eternal and I neglect the things that are eternal. I am such a pathetic sinner.

So as I said at the top. I asked myself the question of what makes me happy. Most of my answers, a vast vast majority were things that serve my flesh. Things that waste my time. A small small minute amount were spiritual things. Because when I thought what truly makes me happy I thought of a good meal or a warm shower or every other comfort imaginable and when it came to prayer and reading my Bible I couldn't say that those made me really happy. Sometimes they make me happy, but more often I'm happy with everything else. Sin nature at its best. That is sad. And it's going to change.

I hope you read this. It's my heart, it's raw and it broke me yesterday. Who knew I'd be broken waiting to do jury duty yesterday? :) God did. A divine appointment.

Alright, here's the run down on me:

2006-03-03T08:28:00.000-08:00

March 9th- I go in to have an event monitor put on me. It's basically a thing that will put stickys all over me to watch my heart and I wear it for two weeks in hopes that I'll have an episode when I'm wearing it so they can see what my heart is doing.

March 22nd- I go in to have an echocardiogram performed. That's the sonogram of my heart and they will check out the structures of my heart and see if all if ok with that.

I am also meeting with an electrophysiologist (person who specializes in heart rythmns) sometime soon and I will update when that is as soon as I know.

Thank you all for your prayers and I hope you have a great day! :)

P.S. Chris Tomlin really is my favorite right now. mmmmmm his voice makes me so happy.

Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome

2006-02-27T21:01:00.000-08:00

Apparently my heart condition is something called Wolf-Parkinson-White Syndrome. What you may ask? Yes Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome is something where my heart's SA node misfires to the AV node and so it causes all these weird symptoms.

I called to see my doctor this morning and I'm thinking ok nothing too big is wrong with my heart I just have to go see the doctor. So I call to make an appointment and they automatically after hearing my symptoms make me talk to two different nurses and the last one says:

"Oh you need to go to the Emergency Room right now"

"What? Are you sure?"

"Yes. You need to come right away and make sure you take an aspirin and don't eat or drink anything."

"Ok"

I get off the phone and I'm like ok this nurse it just crazy. So I go the ER and I they perform an EKG to check the electrical signals of my heart. And then they take a urine sample, SICK and they put stickys all over my chest and hook me up to a moniter. Then this doctor comes in and asks me to tell him why I'm there. So I say:

"Well I've been having these episodes where when I breathe in deeply my chest begins to tighten and my heart starts beating weird and then it feels like it stops"

"That's because it does"

In my mind...."WHAT?!" He doesn't even say like oh well yeah it just feels that way or yeah it might be stopping he flat out says yeah it does. I would hate to have him there if I were like well I feel like I am dying his response would be "oh, that's because you are".

So I keep talking while my mind is racing and I say:

"oh ok and then I felt like I was going to faint"

"That's because you were"

I begin to feel more scared....

"Oh umm ok and then it beats normal and I have chest pain"

"Ok I know what you have. You have something called Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome"

WHAT?!?!?! So he proceeds to tell me what it is..long story short I was there another two hours and I have to go see my doctor wednesday to discuss medication vs surgery and then I have to see a Cardiologist to get an ultrasound (echocardiogram) on my heart and a 24 hour heart monitor to determine 100% that it is not anything else.

I woke up this morning normal Shawna and now I'm Shawna who has a wolff syndrome. My little cousins 5yrs and 8 yrs old who I babysat tonight came up to me and said "Shawna we'll be extra good cuz we know you have a heart problem and we want it to be easier on you."

Can I just cry now? I'm 20 in less than a month and I feel 90...my heart is broken literally... :(

mmm C.S. Lewis and A.W. Tozer

2006-02-25T10:03:00.000-08:00

I'm reading The Pursuit of God by A. W. Tozer and Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis and they are both amazing. I feel Tozer introduces me to a whole new aspect of God and what it means to seek Him and Lewis to a whole new aspect of satan's temptations.

One of the the statements that hit me hard in Tozer's book was when he said:

"Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted. Too bad with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain".

Christ always talks in the Bible about seeking after Him as for hidden treasure and He tells us that if we seek Him we will find Him. I guess for me I've just suddenly realized how true that is. Why would God reveal Himself to someone who doesn't even seek for Him? If you seek the world you find the world. If you seek God, you find Him in all His glory and all His peace just completely covers you. I've been struggling in one of those down times trying to find God. But I was trying to find Him by looking inside myself. Once I let that go and sought Him and Him alone, He wrapped me in His arms and made me feel so peaceful as if all the world just stopped and nothing mattered anymore except that He lives. I love those times and those moments when our eyes are so fixed on the eternal that all here on earth just disappears.

I also highly recommend reading You are Special by Max Lucado. It's a children's book, but it's pretty much the best thing ever. If you ever feel like why should God love me or if you ever feel down for any reason you just read it and it will boost your heart with love. I'm going to go read it now. So anyways I just had to get that out in the open and hopefully it was encouraging.

Last of all, one more quote for the road...STAY ACTIVE, THE DEVIL LOVES IDLE HANDS. I heard that in a sermon one time and it's good to remember. Always stay in the Word and in prayer because when you stop, as I did a couple weeks ago, it leaves you open and susceptible to the devil's lies. Alright well I love you all and I hope you have a fantastic weekend. Riss, my little darling, I will see you today. :)

It's just one of those days...

2006-02-22T12:21:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I'm not the best driver in the world, but I consider myself average. No accidents yet. Plenty of near ones, but no broken bones, inflated air bag incidents for me. Thank God for that. And this morning I did not break bones or inflate my airbag, but I did something absolutely beyond repair to my poor little self esteem, embarrassing. Ok....here goes, so I was backing out of my drive way and normally I can pull my car around so that I exit my driveway facing forward. However, today this guy that's working on our house parked his huge work truck sideways and awkward to where I could not turn around and I had to just back out into the street. So, I'm moving right along making sure not to hit his truck or my dad's car or the trees that are nearby. So I make it past all those obstacles and I'm almost to the street and I feel a bump and figure it's a rock or something and I keep backing into the street. Now a truck is coming as I'm turning around in the street and they slow down and stare at me. So I'm like hmm ok I'm blocking the road so they are staring that must be it. Then I realize the bump hasn't left me, I'm dragging something. I pull forward into my lane and start to drive away and in my rear view mirror I see both our trash cans smack in the middle of the road and trash strewn about in both lanes. CRAP! So now I'm going to be late for school and plus I'm completely embarrassed, but I know I have to go pick it up because my parents will kill me if I leave it, not to mention cars will destroy our trash cans and throw trash all over the place.

So I go back to pick up the trash and the trash cans and I'm dodging cars while I pick everything up. I'm also holding up this other big work truck and the man is just staring at me smiling while I pick up everything. I finally got on the road again and on to school, but not without my poor self esteem being shattered and me feeling like an idiot. I think this incident perhaps rates higher than a month ago when I crushed my hand in Marisa's gate trying to close it and then stepped in dog poop two seconds later while walking to her front door.

Shawny Sicky Like Davey

2006-02-15T16:51:00.000-08:00

Shawny sicky today-y she-ey wanty sympathy-y. Posty bloggy abouty sicky. Sicky Icky. Nosy stuffy tummy hurty. Body achey. NO-y funny. Very bady. Please-y sympathisy withy me-y. Do I-y sound-y like-y Dave-y? MOAN Cough cough GROAN. Tear tear. Hack Hack. Cry Cry. Sniffle Sniffle. Pout Pout......

Bible Study

2006-02-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

Just had Bible Study with Riss and I just love to do that. She shared an excerpt from C. S. Lewis and it was just really amazing about giving everything to Christ and how we need to give Him all of us not just some. And I just love spending time with that girl cuz she's just my little piece of joy. I love being able to share about our lives with eachother too cuz it just allows me to spill my troubles and fears and anxieties and I know she'll be interceding to God for me and then she shares to me her life and what's going on and I just need that. I feed on fellowship with other Christians. Especially those closest to me. It's when I spend that time praying with Eddie or Riss and just sharing with them what God is doing and what he's testing me in and what I need to change. It's like it fulfills me. I feel like in those moments of sharing about Christ and His work in me that I'm fulfilled in knowing that God is alive in our lives and He's slowly working on us to make us into who and what He wants. mmmmmmm...happy moment for me...I'm reading this book called "Orthodoxy" by G. K. Chesterton and this quote caught my eye today. He was talking about suicide and said:

"Not only is suicide a sin, it is the sin. It is the ultimate and absolute evil, the refusal to take an interest in existence; the refusal to take the oath of loyalty to life."

Then he compares a thief with a person who commits suicide:

"The thief compliments the thing he steals, if not the owner of them. But the suicide insults everything on earth by not stealing it. He defiles every flower by refusing to live for its sake. There is not a tiny creature in the cosmos at whom his death is not a sneer. When a man hangs himself on a tree, the leaves might fall off in anger and the birds fly away in fury: for each has received an affront. The man's crime (suicide) is different from other crimes for it makes even crimes impossible."

He then compares a martyr and a suicide. "The martyr flung away his life; he is noble, exactly because (however he renounces the world or execrates all humanity) he confesses this ultimate link with life; he sets his heart outside himself: he dies that something may live. The man who commits suicide throws away life; he has not this link with being: he is a mere destroyer; spiritually, he destroys the universe. "

He definitely makes you think....but I love it :)

Andy Rooney said on "60 Minutes" a few weeks back:

2006-01-31T19:47:00.000-08:00

I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers. The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America. Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America; and see what happens...Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason, that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING MARTHA BURKE?
I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.
When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
I believe that if you are selling me a milkshake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!
My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.
I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry a-- if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.
We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document; and open to their interpretation.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.
I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operation system that's better, and put your name on the building.
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid; and smack their little behinds when necessary and say "NO!"
I think tattoos and piercings are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And, please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!
I am sick of "Political Correctness". I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"? Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I'm a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be an American and nowhere else

And if you don't like my point of view, tough....

Loving Life

2006-01-17T17:38:00.000-08:00

Sooo life is going well. Haven't updated in way too long mainly because I've been busy with homework. Reading to be specific and I am actually enjoying most of it which is a first for me. I love my marriage class with Riss especially cuz there is this weird guy that sits next to Riss who is quite entertaining to me. Today he randomly in the middle of when she and I were talking reached over and placed a price tag that had been on his class notes on her clothes. I don't know why I found it so funny but I just thought it humorous that this guy neither of us ever talk to, except he talks to Riss occasionally about how he likes tea, just leaned over and placed his price tag on her clothes. And when she looked at him asking what he was doing he simply responded with, "I was putting a price tag on you" just like it was normal. And then proceeded to say that he likes his green tea and talked to her about Japan and sushi there. WEIRD guy I tell you. WEIRD. Anyways so that is that class just so that this post doesn't seem as long I'm going to post my next two classes seperately.

I love Crunchies!!!

2006-01-14T19:24:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I love Crunchies. That's all.

Apology to the Capernwray folks

2006-01-11T22:09:00.000-08:00

Alright so, first item of business is an apology for not coming to the New Years get together. However, I enjoyed visiting my sister when she was here and I am sure to meet most of the capern peoples at the wonderful wedding. However, Janice, I am sad that we did not get to see eachother so that needs to happen soon. So...that's that. I'll post more when I think of something to write but as of now I'm tired. so gnite!

Chronicles of Shawna

2005-12-18T17:58:00.000-08:00

ok haven't posted in awhile so recap the last few days...wednesday...FINALS ENDED!!!! Best gosh darn day EVERRRRRRRRRR!!!!! I mean honestly stress is no more and it's grand. Bible study at Starbucks that night, such a great time with Riss and Nat. We talked about Christ and His birth and then His death and His love and it was just the most encouraging thing. I loved it loved it loved it. THEN..Thursday...OC NIGHT!!! Riss and I went to McDonalds and bought Chicken Mcnuggets. Totally healthy I know and then we sat in anticipation in front of the TV eating our chicken nuggets and watching Cold Case Files waiting for 8:00 to come and it did and it was the best Chrismikah Barmitsvikah in the entire world. Then Friday!!!! Of course I saw Riss again...wow I saw her three days in a row..weird I didn't realize that until now. I love you Riss I mean I just can't get enough of you. So Riss and the McFadden clan and I went to the movies and saw The Chronicles of Narnia and it was amazing. I got all teary eyed when Aslan died and Riss was pounding her fist in the air saying "Yeah Yeah!!" when he came back to life and went after the White Witch. And it was just a really fun night...Saturday..saw my other love of my life Edward Lee. Reunion was short lived cuz we had to work, but I loved seeing him. He's a sweetheart. And now we are caught up to today. Taught Sunday School this morning...went to the church service which was awesome but I will write on it later cuz this post is getting long. So yeah then came home watched the Chargers beat the Colts.. YESSSSSSS!!! and then proceeded to gawk at Brad Pitt while watching Oceans Eleven. Such a great day. Shopping is tomorrow. Crowds, rude drivers, traffic, stuffy mall air, blaring christmas music over and over....I truly love it and I love you whoever you are that is reading this...I love you as well..til tomorrow....!

One More Day!!!

2005-12-13T19:18:00.000-08:00

I have one more day of finals my friends. Yes you did count correctly I said one. How excited am I?! I just don't think I can handle it. Anyways, this next part of my blog is specifically to Janice so if you are not her you can just skip down if you want to the part where it says Janice session ended in big letters or you can read along. First answer to your question, I do like papers and school for the first week or maybe month or so of school and then I hate them. So that's the answer to your first question. Next item of agenda, New Years!!! I have not yet decided fully that I am not coming. So there is still a chance that I might come. I am still contemplating it and trying to decide if I can go. Mainly it's a matter of what days we'd be going and my sister might be coming here around the same time and I haven't seen her since the summer so it would be cool to see her. However, if it seems like all will work out, I will most definitely come to see you cuz you're my most favorite of all of Riss' friends from Capernwray. Aww friend bonding over the internet. I love it.
JANICE SESSION ENDED
Sooo...I still have to study and that seems to be my life until tomorrow so until then my loves....

SCHOOL MUST END!!!!

2005-12-04T19:34:00.000-08:00

I hate papers and school right now. They are bringing down my Christmas spirit and that is just not right my friends..just not right. I miss Edward Lee and his hugs. I miss Riss cuz she's sick and at her house and I would normally be over at her house bringing her Chai Tea, which I thought of doing today, but I have this lame paper and after I get it done I have like a million more papers. They are neverending. Madness. Complete Madness.

Life Today

2005-12-01T21:43:00.000-08:00

Did government homework all day today. Sooo tired of politics. And yet I still have a research paper for that class this weekend. Glorious. I went over to Riss' house which was the highlight of my day. I saw her kitten Micah and he is just adorably wonderful. And then we had somewhat of a Bible Study. We didn't have as much time to share so that was somewhat disappointing, but I'm sure Riss and I will be able to finish it sometime soon. Tivers and Natsoff were over and that was fun cuz we watched the OC together. Very dramatic as usual. Next week promises even more drama and a prostitute. Great fun. So..that's about it for today. I love Jesus. Riss loves Jesus. We both just love that we are loved by Him and that He has given us so much. I feel truly blessed.

Update

2005-11-27T21:03:00.000-08:00

Guess Who Has a Date for Banquet???

2005-11-16T19:57:00.000-08:00

That's right it's me. I have a date to banquet with a gorgeous individual named Marisa McFadden. I don't think I've ever been so excited in my life. First of all, everytime I have gone to a banquet was with a guy date and the night always seems to end up somewhat awkward, but for once I will have no awkwardness with Riss. She is like my other half and that can never go wrong. I honestly believe it is a foolproof plan for an amazing fun night. We can not possibly not have fun. Now, people may avoid us, as they do at school, but none the less we will have fun. On the other hand, that means that I have to find a dress to wear. AHHH! BUT that also means that I get to have my hair done AND my nails AND my make up. AHHH I'm EXCITED!!! This is pretty much the only time I love being a girl. I LOVE IT!

Chapel

2005-11-14T15:12:00.000-08:00

Chapel today was amazing. Don't want to go into detail yet, but wanted to mention it was amazingly encouraging. LOVED IT.

NEW TOOTSIE FLAVORS!!!!

2005-11-10T18:00:00.000-08:00

Tootsie roll pops have new flavors!!!!

PLEASE GO TO THIS LINK!!!
http://www.tootsie.com/pops2004B.html

AND READ ABOUT MY TOOTSIE LOVIN' DAY BELOW!!!!

I'm not done...

2005-11-10T17:52:00.000-08:00

I just realized that tonight is OC night which adds a tad more excitement to my day. And I don't want to stop blogging right now. This insanity of mine only comes once in a great long while. I mean Riss saw it last night. I was singing or I don't think you would call it singing, rather making noises kind of just high pitched ones and low pitched ones at our Bible study last night. I was just doin it while lookin up a verse. AHA! I just figured out another highlight of my day. I went to my English class that has all of four people in it. Literally four people. Me and three other guys. Well 5 including the teacher. And the teacher starts a discussion about a book we were supposed to have read part of by today and not one of us was joining his discussion. So he stops speaking and flat out says "Raise your hand if you actually did the assignment for today" and not one of us raised our hands. So he made us read for the rest of the 60 minutes of class time. What lame students are we? However, it was slightly hilarious.

I LOVE TOOTSIE POPS

2005-11-10T17:47:00.000-08:00

I ate a tootsie pop today and it was grand. Yes that's right a tootsie pop. Those pops with a tootsie in the middle. A red one for that matter. I think it's supposed to be cherry or something, not sure, but it was good. On the other hand, I think I am losing my mind. I woke up at 7:00 this morning. Got to school campus at 8:15 for work until 11:00 and then I had school from 11:00 to 5:15. I drove to school in fog and drove home in darkness while blaring a country music love song. And not a good one at that because I am losing all sanity. WHO STAYS AT SCHOOL THAT LONG?!!?? Apparently I do. And I just realized it today. And it's only on Thursdays but I mean I just need a break from it all. My highlight of my day was eating a red tootsie roll pop for goodness sakes?!! I mean, that's just wrong folks. It's just wrong.

Janice told me to do it

2005-11-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

Ok so, Janice has inspired me to write how I feel. So here goes:
I feel as if I know so much and don't do anything with it. I know Jesus loves me and yet I don't do anything to share it. I know the salvation of the Lord and yet I don't share it because I make up a lame excuse that turns into "oh well I don't come into contact with people who haven't heard the gospel". I'm stuck in the bubble of Christianity with words that feed me and then I share them with other Christians who then get fed, but then I feel like I need to do more. I tell myself that I have to wait until later, and then God will use me then, but it's a lie. God can use me now just as I am. I just need to get out of my comfort zone and go out and share the gospel. Do something worthwhile with my life.

On the other hand, my friend sent me a letter that described how he felt and it was something that I've felt before. I am going to post it and I want to know WHY DO WE AS CHRISTIANS SOMETIMES FEEL THIS WAY? Is it part of what you Janice were talking about, how sinful the world is and that is why we're sad? This is what is going through my head. Please take the time to read the letter, it's kinda long, but I want to know your thoughts.

An overwhelming sadness is the kind that pierces through good times.
It’s when a feeling of loneliness arises even after a good laugh, a kiss, a warm conversation. It’s something that lives through birthday parties, relationships, inside jokes, and best friends. A deep, barely perceivable worthlessness that hits you when you come home from a talent show or a school sporting event. Even in victory you feel a defeat looming over you like an angry elementary teacher with ruler in hand. First you play it off as dissatisfaction with your appearance: I really need to start running, I have put on some weight. Down passed all that particular farce, you realize that you are no less or more attractive than you were before these feelings crept into your life. No, It isn’t your love handle or the dirty moustache that you think makes you look like a Mexican. It’s something that perhaps doesn’t have a cause. Maybe there is no origin other than the fact that you exist; and if that is true, than how could there be a cure for this dejection that seems as if it will outlive you entirely?

I try to explain away this feeling that seems to be the rule instead of the exception in my life. Obviously, if you are not happy it is because you have forgotten that you have Jesus in your heart and you will be able to spend eternity with him! I believe it, and I know it, but it appears as if this sorrowful state that I continue to return to "as a dog returns to its vomit" can even defeat the most sincere breakings of the will. I have been broken and humbled before the Lord so fully and still this encompassing feeling of anonymity and nothingness returns to me with renewed vigor. And of course, once I finally get what I thought I wanted, I am forced to lie that down by some divine conscience that leaves me unable to even truly be happy with what I thought I wanted.

So what do I do with this? The feeling strikes me now as it always does. I even feel a certain cold acceptance toward it now, to the point where I can write these words that tie me to the very core of my own discontent. It’s almost as if it were a living thing, my cloud of sadness, that bids me to silence my voice and stop running my fingers across the keys in my perhaps fruitless effort to expose my thoughts and perhaps understand this things control over my mind. But how could it be fruitless if, even now, it begs me to send this message to oblivion. My own mind is shouting at me, accusing me of trying to invoke pity and even mocking my weakness.
I feel this all now, as well as other things. When I look at my condition I see two separate but equally beautiful pictures. Through one window I see a believer in an all-loving Christ. This man spends his time developing friendships with his brothers and sisters and is loved by them. He has been blessed beyond his own knowledge by the Lord, and is never found without a joke on his tongue and a laugh in his lungs. In the other window, the view seems to be less jaded. Though it is dark, you can see a man with addictions, a user, a hypocrite and deceiver. He bathes those around him in compliments, but perhaps he has just forced himself into believing that such actions will draw others to him. Though the individual clings to a splintering cross as the man in the other window, the one uses it as a crutch and the other uses it to defend himself against the ferocious blows of the world as he slowly and steadily fails the very Savior that was pierced on the cross he uses as his makeshift shield. In the end, both of these men will be freed from the hate and pain of this world. The question is, why do I have to be that man who lives in such a horrible place some of the time? Why can’t I remain in the grip of Christ throughout my life? Of course, I know the traditional fascist Baptist/Judeo Christian answers, growth comes through suffering, our faith must be tested for it to be true, free choice. All these answers make sense when they are outlined, lectured, and explained by people who have spent their lives trying to avoid the issue by educating themselves on the various ways around the issue. The bottom line for me is not some vast theological paradox, it’s not some complex theory, life choice, or all the other 10 dollar phrases you can find for yourself. The final truth for me is that right now, I feel sad. My 8 year old sister can understand this basic fact just as well as my 54 year old father who has been a believer for decades, teaches theology at a college, and pastors a church. I am sad now, I feel better when I sing nice songs and other people tell me about Jesus loving me, but as of late I’ve been coming back to the same place no matter what I do. And I am here now.

Nothing

2005-11-08T11:55:00.000-08:00

I've got nothing. Nothing to share. Nothing to say. I would update, but I got nothin. So, I am sorry Riss, but until my life has some sort of excitement, I am left to say nothing.

THINGS THAT ANNOY

2005-10-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

-When your dad takes your car without asking when there are two other cars in the driveway, his work car, his other car and you need YOUR car to go to church.

-When your dad does not bring the car promptly home from his "short trip" and leaves his cell phone at home

-When you call your mom's cell phone, who is with your dad, and she does not answer.

-SOLUTION: Take his car. :)

Fun Weekend and THE CALIFORNIA JON MAGNUS

2005-10-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so my weekend was actually fun and I never posted on it so now I'm going to. Mostly it was fun cuz I got to see Riss and I hadn't like seen her seen her in about 4 or 5 days. Cuz I "see" Riss everyday at school, but then I don't really get to talk and hang out with Riss everyday and for one week we were like joined at the hip and I was at her house like everyday and then nothing for 4 or 5 days. It was rather sad and lonely. So I got to hang out with her and we went to California Pizza Kitchen where the waiter looked like the actor Owen Wilson. It was weird and I swear he kept flirting with Riss, but anyways we people watched and saw a lady with crazy lips, like they had so much work done to them they just looked abnormal, and we saw a guy with lime green hair, and a bunch of other random weird people. AND these girls kept staring at me and Riss and then this lady did it too. I don't know why they stared but they were full on staring and giving us weird looks. It was a conspiracy. And then Riss was like a psycho, like I've never seen her hyper, but she was and it was crazy. And we saw Elizabethtown at the movies and that was cute. AND that my friends is when I spotted THE CALIFORNIA JON MAGNUS. No joke. This guy walks in the movies and I was really into people watching so I noticed this guy with hair just like Jon and a body type just like Jon and then he turned around and his face was like identical to Jon. Granted I have never met Jon, but I think it was a long lost cousin or something. So I told Riss and she agreed that it looked like him. So much so that it was just crazy. So then Riss had a Venti Chai Tea Latte, and then another Grande Chai like 2 hours later and I think she's going to die from an overdose of Chai Tea Latte. Greatest night of my life. Crazy people, Spotted Jon Magnus, Experienced the Crazy Marisa, and Overall just had good ol' fashioned good for your heart and soul FUN.

Wonderful Drive in Ghetto

2005-10-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

I had the greatest drive in the ghetto of El Cajon this evening. I had to go the El Cajon Library = Bum Central, to pick up this book for a paper I'm writing on Hell. So I was driving to the Library and the radio just made the drive great. I listened to a cute love song on the way there and then listened to Fall Out Boy on the way back which just made my day times 10 and then I rocked out to Madonna's cover of "Love Is A Battlefield" and it reminded me of Riss singing it on our Senior Video. So basically I had the greatest day ever in a span of 20 minutes.

Life Right Now

2005-10-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

Life for me is hectic at the moment. I have a million things happening in my life apart from school and a million things happening in school. So much so that I forget constantly what assignments are due because I am still working on assignments from last week. Riss and I even decided this morning that we have not one ounce of motivation for school. I decided this in the beginning of the year and thought it would get better, but it's only gotten worse. On the other hand, CHARGERS play tonight and that is so exciting!!! I really hope we beat the Steelers and if we do, my day will be much happier.

The Picture

2005-10-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

Here is the picture from Janice's blog. Obviously, I feel more like the one on the right. My blog below explains this.

Boo on being sick

2005-10-01T09:24:00.000-07:00

I'm sick today and it's really lame. It started last night at Riss' house, but now it's escalated and I'm full blown sick. The picture Janice had on her blog when she was sick is pretty much how I feel at this moment. However, I had the best conversation with a good friend last night who just totally encouraged me. The conversation made me realize that although things are kinda tough in my life right now that God has formed this trial and when it gets hard it's a test to see where my loyalties lie. Am I going to try to fix it? or am I going to trust God to lead me to His will which will give me peace. I have this hole where God should be and I keep trying to fill it with friends, family, any type of distraction that will keep me from thinking about the trial in my life and God is sitting there beckoning me to put Him there because it is where He belongs and it is what will bring me the joy and comfort that I'm seeking. God is so good to me and so good to be always be there for me. So that's me today, sick, but so incredibly well because I have the healer and the God of all comfort beside me.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."

God is so amazing!

Bible Study and STUFF

2005-09-28T21:33:00.000-07:00

Ok so tonight was Bible Study night and it was sooooo refreshing. I just love meeting together with our small group of girls and talking about God and how great He is and how He is working in our lives. love it love it love it. Anyways, so that was just great and I have a lot of homework to do, but I'm in a good mood despite the mounds of homework calling to me. I also really enjoyed chapel this morning. We had vintage chapel which meant hymns and responsive readings. And those were ok, but I loved the message that our pastor brought. He just challenged us all to give up the sin in our lives and to hand it God and to start over and embrace His grace and I just had some things in my life that I needed to hand over and it was just a good time to do that and to just rely on God for His peace and I love Him and how He will totally bring that to you if you seek it. So anyway, that was my day today. Tomorrow will be filled with crazy nursery working in the morning and school school school til 5:15. However, God is good....all the time so I know that it will all work out. Much love to Riss and Natalie my girls who keep me sane here and to Angela who is far far away. I miss you!!!

2005-09-27T17:03:00.000-07:00

I had the greatest time with God this morning just listening to worship music and singing along. It's amazing how much doing that can make the day so much better.

2005-09-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

Watched Laguna Beach last night to get my wonderful drama fill until Thursday comes and the OC will give me enough drama to last until Monday. Such a vicious cycle. Anways, read Marisa's story on her blog and it made me sad, but it was also really good. Marisa, props to you for that story. I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now, but I am avoiding it at all costs. So, hopefully I get it done soon so I no longer have to worry about it.

Greatest Stadium EVER!!!

2005-09-26T20:23:00.000-07:00

Raymond James Stadium...one day I will be at that Pirate Ship...

Greatest Thing Ever To Happen

2005-09-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

Curious George the MOVIE!!!! I just might in the words of Janice my new best friend, "pee my pants i'm so excited!!!" I am going to see this movie. No one can stop me.

My P.S. to Angela

2005-09-23T22:13:00.000-07:00

You have the most wonderful hugs, I will miss them!!!

Tribute to Angela Harder

2005-09-23T22:07:00.000-07:00

Ok so I talked about Ang a little bit in the previous post, but did not mention how she is abandoning (jk.) Riss and I and going back to Bethel. I am sad that she is leaving, but glad that she will be happy at Bethel. So in honor of Angela I would like to say that I will miss her and that I love her very very much and that I will faithfully call her every OC night to give her my raw emotion from the episodes watched and that I will also faithfully pray for her that she drives safely to Minnesota. Angela I love you and please call me when you get to Minnesota so I know how you're doing and so I know that you're still alive k? k.

Flight Plan

2005-09-23T22:02:00.000-07:00

Ok so I just got home from the movies. Riss, Nat and I went to the movies and saw Flight Plan, kinda intense towards the end, but the rest of it was more funny scary. You know like where you just laugh cuz the scariness is so cheesy. So yeah that was good. I drove soo so much today too cuz before that Riss, Ang, and I drove to Mission Beach and we walked around by Belmont Park and then we drove to Parkway Plaza (a.k.a. the ghetto of El Cajon) and Riss and I walked around and looked at every store there and then we got bored and we both had massive headaches, which I think is from a caffeine withdrawal, and so we went to Riss' house and took drugs and watched some tv. Probably the most relaxing thing I did all day. And so now I'm home and I have a busy day tomorrow as well filled with homework and watching children. When did my life become one hectic mess?

Laguna Beach

2005-09-19T19:07:00.000-07:00

It's that night my friends. That's right, the drama of Laguna Beach airs tonight and I am going to watch instead of doing homework. I hate school and that's about all I have to say today.

Yaqui Indian Tribe

2005-09-18T19:57:00.000-07:00

So I'm Yaqui Indian by like 5/16ths or somethin like that and me and my siblings are like the last generation of children that have enough Yaqui in them to count as Yaqui, and the tribe I guess called my grandma to ask about our family so we might be accepted as Yaqui Indians. Weird random things that happen in my day. By the way, my dad got a new mail box for my house and Marisa took a picture of it. Hopefully she posts it, it is like a mail palace. The thing is like Mailbox Fort Knox. No one will ever steal our mail again, but it's gonna stick out like a sore thumb. The thing is huge. Just thought I'd let ya'll know.

Girls Night!!!

2005-09-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so last night I hosted Girls Night and it was really fun. Natalie and Riss came over and we watched a marathon of America's Next Top Model, a very addicting show, and we ate Ben and Jerrys Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch, Best Ice Cream EVER!!! and then we ate watermelon...random yes, but I just like watermelon and then we were gonna go to sleep, but Natalie mentioned Karaoke and Riss had never played so we played Karaoke til like 1:00 in the morning. And we practiced modeling shots on Riss's camera. Needless to say Riss took many pictures and we were crazy. So that was fun until we had to wake up early this morning to go teach Sunday School. Not so fun, but after a nice grande Starbucks we were ready to teach and then I went with Natalie to David's Bridal and she tried on wedding gowns and I tried on bridesmaid dresses with Miriam. Natalie found the most beautiful gown that she liked. So anyways busy day I have tons of hwk and not enough hours in the day to get it done.

OC Night!!!

2005-09-15T21:44:00.000-07:00

Ahh the glorious wonders of OC night. So Natalie and I drove to the liquor store in Crest, mind you we only have two, one named Rainbow Market and the other named Crest Liquor or something stupid like that, anyways, so we drove there to stock up on delicious junk food. Me with my PMS had to pick up a KitKat and Mountain Dew. Caffeine and Chocolate are a girl's favorite when it's that time. So anyways, we had our little stock of junk food and we went back to my house where Travis had cooked us spaghetti, the only thing he knows how to make, and so that was nice. And then we all sat down to watch the OC. It's such a fun little family tradition. Even my mom joined in to watch this week. The OC bringing the Howard family together, who woulda thought? Anyways, I have tons of homework to go work on and so I should go do it. Parting words: don't do laundry late at night, it's lame.

Bible Study!!!

2005-09-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

Aww I love Wednesday night Bible Study. I look forward to it so so much! So we all gathered together last night and I was just so encouraged by what the other girls shared and I forgot to share something I read in my devotional. So I'm gonna post it here cuz I loved it and it just meant so much to me. So here it is:

Child of mine, lean hard,

And let Me feel the pressure of your care;

I know your burden, child, I shaped it;

Balanced it in Mine Own hand; made no proportion

In its weight to your unaided strength,

For even as I laid it on, I said,

"I will be near, and while she leans on Me,

This burden will be Mine, not hers;

So will I keep My child within the circling arms

Of My Own love." Here lay it down, nor fear

To impose it on a shoulder that upholds

The government of worlds. Yet closer come:

You are not near enough. I would embrace your care;

So I might feel My child reclining on my breast.

You love Me, I know. So then do not doubt;

But loving me, lean hard.

Lean hard. That is exactly what I've been doing lately. I have been leaning so hard on God and He is so powerful and so full of strength that in the midst of my trials that I think are so great, He offers to let me lean on Him for support and to give my trials to Him and in doing that, I will experience His love, and His comfort that He so wants to give me and that I frequently deny and He will just embrace me. My trials are trials that God has formed specifically for me and He will always be there for me to lean on because He knows that while I am overwhelmed the trials, they are so small in comparison to Him. I love how this excerpt above depicts God as beckoning us to lean and not just lean a little, but LEAN HARD. He is so willing and ready to take care of your every need. I know that I have been encouraged with this and so I just wanted to encourage you guys to lean hard on Christ because He is waiting to show you His matchless love and comfort.

A little side note, we had some more girls come this week so yay! And we are still praying for a musician to come. I love you all so so much!

Crazy People

2005-09-13T19:17:00.000-07:00

ok, so I don't really know how to react to this story I read so please read this article. Clink the link and read it and then let me know how insanely crazy these people are..http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9319446/.

2005-09-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

So I think I'm pretty much attatched to watching Laguna Beach every Monday night. So I faithfully watched the life drama of Kristin and I find it hilarious how they play songs for each dramatic event.

2005-09-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

Currently listening to a mix of songs including this one by Lifehouse called "Everything" that I love love love. These are the lyrics.

find me here and speak to me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

you are the light

that's leading me

to the place where I find peace again

you are the strength that keeps me walking

you are the hope that keeps me trusting

you are the life to my soul

you are my purpose

you're everything
and how can I

stand here with you

and not be moved by you

would you tell me

how could it be

any better than this yeah
you calm the storms

and you give me rest

you hold me in your hands

you won't let me fall

you still my heart

and you take my breath away

would you take me in

take me deeper now
and how can I

stand here with you

and not be moved by you

would you tell me

how could it be

any better than this
cause you're all I want

you're all I need you're everything everything

you're all I want

you're all I need you're everything everything

and how can I stand here with you

and not be moved by you would you tell me

how could it be any better than this

would you tell me how could it be any better than this

I feel like this song is the epitomy of me right now. My relationship with God is summed up in this song. Lately it seems like God has just been speaking to me so much and quieting my mind and heart to learn what He has to teach me of His love and comfort. For so long I have looked for His love and His comfort in people and the world and they all let me down. Christ is so amazing as He patiently waits and loves me the same when I return to Him. God's love is beautiful. Reflect on it today.

2005-09-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

I'm hurting today. I'm going to get a pedicure with Riss and I love her dearly, but I'm still hurting. God is healing it, and He is with me and encouraging me to follow Him, but I'm hurting.

Sunday School Update!!!

2005-09-04T15:56:00.000-07:00

I totally forgot to update on Sunday School. It was so much fun! I get to decorate a bulliten board and everything! We only had two kids today. Small church + Labor Day Weekend = No children. But that was ok, cuz it was still really fun. Although we bought two dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts and with only four people to eat them it was interesting. But then we brought the leftovers outside where everyone was fellowshipping and these little old people started eating them. I love when old people eat food that is horrible for you. I don't know I just do. Like I was at In N Out a couple days ago and this little old man was eating this huge hamburger and I just thought it was cutest thing. Not like they don't eat, but it's not everyday you see a man that can barely walk eating a hamburger that is huge. So that's my rambling for now. I am off to finally (and I truly mean it this time), do homework.

Ramble Time

2005-09-04T15:48:00.000-07:00

I was talking to Marisa about how much I love little things. Like I was looking at this website while talking to her and I saw miniature pineapples and I said, "Awww little pineapples". What makes it so great? I mean it's half the fruit that you would get from a normal size one, yet I am fascinated by it's little size. Another example is with bottled water or soda. The large bottles don't intrigue me, yet those little itty bitty ones that are only like 8 oz. just make me smile and immediately I want to buy them. Marketers must love me. However, this does not run over into people. When it comes to midgets, I do not think aww a midget as Marisa does. Rather, I think hmm a small person. It does not have the same effect. And with candy, I like the miniature M and M's but not the normal size ones and I like the little Dum Dum lollipops cuz they are little. Anyone else have this fascination?

2005-09-04T15:46:00.000-07:00

This is Travis and Natalie's kitchen. I think the table is quite cute. Travis has a look of death about him, but that's ok. After this, I will take a break from pictures and I will ramble about my day.

2005-09-04T15:43:00.000-07:00

This is the inside of Travis and Natalie's house that they just bought down in the desert. Travis is being a weirdo again, but that is just what brothers are.

2005-09-04T15:37:00.000-07:00

This is me and Eddie fishing at night and trying to put a hook on his pole by the light of the car. Yet again, I am a hoodlum.

2005-09-04T15:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, So this picture is sideways, and I can't figure out how to rotate it, so deal with it. We're cleaning fish and I'm making a disgusting face at the fish cuz let's face it. Cleaning fish is disgusting.

2005-09-04T15:22:00.000-07:00

This is when Eddie and my dad and my mom and I went to Bishop to go fishing. Eddie is in the middle of catching a fish in this picture. My Dad is the crazy guy in the water trying to net the fish and I'm the hoodlum trying to keep from getting eaten by mosquitoes.

2005-09-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

So this is my brother Travis and his fiancee and my best friend Natalie. I finally figured out how to put a picture on here so I will be posting more. Travis is a dork and they're at our 4th of July parade in Crest. Wonderful town event let me tell you.

2005-09-03T21:22:00.000-07:00

Had good intentions to work on homework today and then it just didn't happen. Many times said I would work on it, and then got distracted. So now, at 9:22 pm I think I might as well go to sleep and not work on my homework because it just isn't going to get done today. Anyways enough of rambling about homework. I have my first day of teaching Sunday School tomorrow. So excited!!! you have to have three exclamation points when you are "so" excited. And we are buying the kids doughnuts so that not only will they love us right off the bat, but we will cater to the child obesity that is sweeping the nation. I love it. Another update on my life. My dad is probably going to New Orleans on Tuesday. He thinks it will be Tuesday so we'll see. I hope everyone is having a great Labor Day Weekend and I will update on Sunday School tomorrow. Doughnuts and all.

2005-09-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

So I babysat for the cutest little girls ever. And they were sooo sweet. And I think I may have a job with them that will be on a regular basis so I won't have to worry about getting a part time job. Hopefully. Anyways, Lots of homework to do today and not enough drive to do it. Bad combination. We'll see how much I get done today. I predict that I get hardly anything accomplished.

2005-09-02T15:29:00.000-07:00

MY favorite place to eat. Go to the website just so you can hear the dorky song. http://in-n-out.com/

2005-09-02T15:27:00.000-07:00

Update on In N Out mission. The boyfriend went with me. He paid. I ate. I was happy. Now leaving to go babysit for strangers...hope children are not weird...really hope they like me.

2005-09-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Greatest chapel ever today at school. We had just some awesome worship time. Anyways, I'm a nerd but I like my book I have to read for English and I like a quote from it so I'm posting it on here. It says,

"Indeed, Lord to your eyes the very depths of man's conscience is exposed, and there is nothing in me that I could keep secret from you, even if I did not want to confess it. I should not be hiding myself from you, but you from myself."

I love people with brilliant minds. Dork written all over me for that comment, but I just do. Anyways, I'm craving In N Out so I might go get some right now to eat. But I dont wanna go by myself so maybe i can find someone to go with. thats my mission.

2005-08-31T13:34:00.000-07:00

Ok, so update on me. I am doing ok. Lots of school and Riss and I have a Bible Study starting up and I'm teaching 5th grade Sunday School starting this Sunday. Mucho Responsibility for me, but sooo worth it and I'm sooo excited to do it. So, I need prayer for that because I am going to need to manage my time wisely and to really stick to reading my Bible and spending time with my Daddy. School is going well. It seems like it's going my really quickly, but it's probably cuz I'm so busy. I also have to find a part time job that will suit me, so prayer for that too. That's about all that I have to update at this moment. Hope everyone is blessed and well!

2005-08-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today I heard a really great message in church about the command in 1st John that tells us to not love the world or anything in the world. Because if we were to love it, then the love of the Father is not in us. We cannot live loving God and loving sin. And yet that is what the world tries to get us to do is to love the sin in it. God is so worthy of our time and our love. We need to step up and give Him what He deserves and we need to spend time on things that matter. His will for our lives is that we follow Him. I was convicted of how much time in my life I dedicate to things that don't matter and how much God looks at that and sees what that time could have been spent doing to further the gospel and His love. so that's my preaching today.

2005-08-27T14:13:00.002-07:00

I was really down last night and it's carried on into today. Had a talk with Eddie and I've been so busy with work we haven't had a good talk about what's happenin in our lives lately so it was sad for me to see that I neglected him like that. So I was just down cuz I missed him and I miss having a Bible Study. I just need that time to bear my soul to my closest friends and to sing songs to God it's just the greatest. Hopefully Riss and I can start one soon or we can figure out something. Anyways, so I worked this morning 7:30-1:00 and then Eddie works 1:00-8:00. Kinda lame. He's also leaving to go back to school Monday and I feel like it's gonna be hard to find time for eachother. Especially if we both work and so I'm somewhat worried about that. I know I need to trust God with it and just hand over all my worries to Him, but it's just hard sometimes to do that. I just feel self-centered when I worry about my life cuz deep down I know God is in control of everything. So I'm off to do homework...yessss. pray for my poor little heart

2005-08-26T18:14:00.000-07:00

Ok, so day ended well yesterday. Work was fine, the same old routine of "Can I help you?" Followed by a customer mumbling a ramble of numbers that I'm supposed to translate into the course they want books from. such is my life. Anyways, I went to Marisa's house to paint in this 100 degree weather (bad idea to paint a room in 100 degree weather with no fan going) and it was fun to visit her, but not so fun to be sweating. It was like a homemade sauna that just might get you high from smelling paint for a prolonged period of time. Now that you have that mental picture. so now I'm home, still sweating, but doing ok besides the tons of reading homework for my classes. Now normally if it weren't so hot I would love to read a book, but with the hot weather I just want to sit and eat my carne asada burrito. mmmm...food makes me so happy it's just wrong. Anyways, I realize this blog has a complaining tone to it, but thats what the heat does to me. Even so, I should end it with something happy so I will put a good verse on here.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:4-7)

Back to School

2005-08-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

K, so I didn't post on my first day back to school but it was just so much fun having Riss and Angela with me. It's like highschool all over again. Which brings back numerous moments of classic highschool drama and memories. SO great! Anyways, my classes seem good so far. I love love love my English classes and considering it's my major, that's a good sign. I have an assignment to do at the moment for government which I have yet to attend, but it's bound to be funny cuz the professor is my government teacher from highschool and he looks exactly like an owl. Anyways, so I'm off to do that and then work again tonight. Only two hours of it though so YAY! If only it were about 29 degrees cooler today it would be a perfect day cuz it is 99 degrees today and Riss and I were planning on gettin fit by running, but that's way too hot. I think it's a sign...or maybe I just want it to be so that I don't have to run. Probably the latter is true. ok so really gotta go now. update on the day later.

MARISA'S COMING HOME!!!!!

2005-08-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

YAY!!!! I called my friend Marisa's house and her mom said she is coming home tonight at 10:00 pm. Greatest thing ever to happen. I've been praying she would get back safely and I'm sure she's way tired, but yay! You'll probably read this at some point so Riss I love you and I missed you and you can never leave that long again!

Sore Body

2005-08-16T20:21:00.000-07:00

So it seems I've forgotten how much working can make your feet and back hurt. And so I had a nice reminder today. However, the people I work with are really nice and very helpful and so that makes it better than it would be with rude people. I also worked with three other people that were new today so it made me fit in much better. So, all in all a good day. Working again tomorrow, note to self: wear better shoes.

2005-08-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

I start working at the bookstore today. I'm starting to regret taking this job only because I have no clue what to expect for training today. First days are always rough. Anyways, I'm sure it will be fine, but I will update on how it went later.