Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome

Apparently my heart condition is something called Wolf-Parkinson-White Syndrome. What you may ask? Yes Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome is something where my heart's SA node misfires to the AV node and so it causes all these weird symptoms.

I called to see my doctor this morning and I'm thinking ok nothing too big is wrong with my heart I just have to go see the doctor. So I call to make an appointment and they automatically after hearing my symptoms make me talk to two different nurses and the last one says:

"Oh you need to go to the Emergency Room right now"

"What? Are you sure?"

"Yes. You need to come right away and make sure you take an aspirin and don't eat or drink anything."

"Ok"

I get off the phone and I'm like ok this nurse it just crazy. So I go the ER and I they perform an EKG to check the electrical signals of my heart. And then they take a urine sample, SICK and they put stickys all over my chest and hook me up to a moniter. Then this doctor comes in and asks me to tell him why I'm there. So I say:

"Well I've been having these episodes where when I breathe in deeply my chest begins to tighten and my heart starts beating weird and then it feels like it stops"

"That's because it does"

In my mind...."WHAT?!" He doesn't even say like oh well yeah it just feels that way or yeah it might be stopping he flat out says yeah it does. I would hate to have him there if I were like well I feel like I am dying his response would be "oh, that's because you are".

So I keep talking while my mind is racing and I say:

"oh ok and then I felt like I was going to faint"

"That's because you were"

I begin to feel more scared....

"Oh umm ok and then it beats normal and I have chest pain"

"Ok I know what you have. You have something called Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome"

WHAT?!?!?! So he proceeds to tell me what it is..long story short I was there another two hours and I have to go see my doctor wednesday to discuss medication vs surgery and then I have to see a Cardiologist to get an ultrasound (echocardiogram) on my heart and a 24 hour heart monitor to determine 100% that it is not anything else.

I woke up this morning normal Shawna and now I'm Shawna who has a wolff syndrome. My little cousins 5yrs and 8 yrs old who I babysat tonight came up to me and said "Shawna we'll be extra good cuz we know you have a heart problem and we want it to be easier on you."

Can I just cry now? I'm 20 in less than a month and I feel 90...my heart is broken literally... :(

mmm C.S. Lewis and A.W. Tozer

I'm reading The Pursuit of God by A. W. Tozer and Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis and they are both amazing. I feel Tozer introduces me to a whole new aspect of God and what it means to seek Him and Lewis to a whole new aspect of satan's temptations.

One of the the statements that hit me hard in Tozer's book was when he said:

"Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted. Too bad with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain".

Christ always talks in the Bible about seeking after Him as for hidden treasure and He tells us that if we seek Him we will find Him. I guess for me I've just suddenly realized how true that is. Why would God reveal Himself to someone who doesn't even seek for Him? If you seek the world you find the world. If you seek God, you find Him in all His glory and all His peace just completely covers you. I've been struggling in one of those down times trying to find God. But I was trying to find Him by looking inside myself. Once I let that go and sought Him and Him alone, He wrapped me in His arms and made me feel so peaceful as if all the world just stopped and nothing mattered anymore except that He lives. I love those times and those moments when our eyes are so fixed on the eternal that all here on earth just disappears.

I also highly recommend reading You are Special by Max Lucado. It's a children's book, but it's pretty much the best thing ever. If you ever feel like why should God love me or if you ever feel down for any reason you just read it and it will boost your heart with love. I'm going to go read it now. So anyways I just had to get that out in the open and hopefully it was encouraging.

Last of all, one more quote for the road...STAY ACTIVE, THE DEVIL LOVES IDLE HANDS. I heard that in a sermon one time and it's good to remember. Always stay in the Word and in prayer because when you stop, as I did a couple weeks ago, it leaves you open and susceptible to the devil's lies. Alright well I love you all and I hope you have a fantastic weekend. Riss, my little darling, I will see you today. :)

It's just one of those days...

Ok, so I'm not the best driver in the world, but I consider myself average. No accidents yet. Plenty of near ones, but no broken bones, inflated air bag incidents for me. Thank God for that. And this morning I did not break bones or inflate my airbag, but I did something absolutely beyond repair to my poor little self esteem, embarrassing. Ok....here goes, so I was backing out of my drive way and normally I can pull my car around so that I exit my driveway facing forward. However, today this guy that's working on our house parked his huge work truck sideways and awkward to where I could not turn around and I had to just back out into the street. So, I'm moving right along making sure not to hit his truck or my dad's car or the trees that are nearby. So I make it past all those obstacles and I'm almost to the street and I feel a bump and figure it's a rock or something and I keep backing into the street. Now a truck is coming as I'm turning around in the street and they slow down and stare at me. So I'm like hmm ok I'm blocking the road so they are staring that must be it. Then I realize the bump hasn't left me, I'm dragging something. I pull forward into my lane and start to drive away and in my rear view mirror I see both our trash cans smack in the middle of the road and trash strewn about in both lanes. CRAP! So now I'm going to be late for school and plus I'm completely embarrassed, but I know I have to go pick it up because my parents will kill me if I leave it, not to mention cars will destroy our trash cans and throw trash all over the place.

So I go back to pick up the trash and the trash cans and I'm dodging cars while I pick everything up. I'm also holding up this other big work truck and the man is just staring at me smiling while I pick up everything. I finally got on the road again and on to school, but not without my poor self esteem being shattered and me feeling like an idiot. I think this incident perhaps rates higher than a month ago when I crushed my hand in Marisa's gate trying to close it and then stepped in dog poop two seconds later while walking to her front door.

Shawny Sicky Like Davey

Shawny sicky today-y she-ey wanty sympathy-y. Posty bloggy abouty sicky. Sicky Icky. Nosy stuffy tummy hurty. Body achey. NO-y funny. Very bady. Please-y sympathisy withy me-y. Do I-y sound-y like-y Dave-y? MOAN Cough cough GROAN. Tear tear. Hack Hack. Cry Cry. Sniffle Sniffle. Pout Pout......

Bible Study

Just had Bible Study with Riss and I just love to do that. She shared an excerpt from C. S. Lewis and it was just really amazing about giving everything to Christ and how we need to give Him all of us not just some. And I just love spending time with that girl cuz she's just my little piece of joy. I love being able to share about our lives with eachother too cuz it just allows me to spill my troubles and fears and anxieties and I know she'll be interceding to God for me and then she shares to me her life and what's going on and I just need that. I feed on fellowship with other Christians. Especially those closest to me. It's when I spend that time praying with Eddie or Riss and just sharing with them what God is doing and what he's testing me in and what I need to change. It's like it fulfills me. I feel like in those moments of sharing about Christ and His work in me that I'm fulfilled in knowing that God is alive in our lives and He's slowly working on us to make us into who and what He wants. mmmmmmm...happy moment for me...I'm reading this book called "Orthodoxy" by G. K. Chesterton and this quote caught my eye today. He was talking about suicide and said:

"Not only is suicide a sin, it is the sin. It is the ultimate and absolute evil, the refusal to take an interest in existence; the refusal to take the oath of loyalty to life."

Then he compares a thief with a person who commits suicide:

"The thief compliments the thing he steals, if not the owner of them. But the suicide insults everything on earth by not stealing it. He defiles every flower by refusing to live for its sake. There is not a tiny creature in the cosmos at whom his death is not a sneer. When a man hangs himself on a tree, the leaves might fall off in anger and the birds fly away in fury: for each has received an affront. The man's crime (suicide) is different from other crimes for it makes even crimes impossible."

He then compares a martyr and a suicide. "The martyr flung away his life; he is noble, exactly because (however he renounces the world or execrates all humanity) he confesses this ultimate link with life; he sets his heart outside himself: he dies that something may live. The man who commits suicide throws away life; he has not this link with being: he is a mere destroyer; spiritually, he destroys the universe. "

He definitely makes you think....but I love it :)